I’m not particularly good at challenging myself. I’m not saying I don’t seek out new experiences but if something falls outside my comfort zone then I’m generally not interested. But when Amber Fresh asked my sister and I to be in her diary project for next year, something that involves being photographed without any control over the resultant images, I just said yes. Despite the fear of having to expose myself. Despite that by participating, I somehow felt like I was showing off. Do you think I have issues with being the center of attention?
I first met Amber at a zine launch we hosted in the shop. I’d heard of her, she has a band and writes poetry and performed at Cottonmouth and seemed to hang with that intimidatingly smart crowd that scare me because you know, they’re all creative and intelligent and young and I don’t feel any of those things most of the time. But Amber is friendly and warm and charismatic and I wish I was more like that and agreeing to be in her project gives me a little taste of that world.
She came to our house last night and took photos of us and I was nervous and awkward and I probably looked like shit but I don’t mind so much. I have to learn to let go of the fear of embarrassment, of feeling too self conscious and just enjoy more opportunities that come my way. Right? Right.